Grieving Families Find Hope—and Peace—at Camp Paz

The c-h-u-t-h-u-n-k is the sound of a bat in the hands of a young child as it hits an apple and sends chunks flying—the horses will eat them later, so they don’t go to waste. Elsewhere at Camp Paz, four adults are laughing as they learn to walk as one on a single pair of extra-long skis. Welcome to Camp Paz—peace in Spanish—and creative grief therapy.

Founder and emergency-room physician “Dr. Chip” Finch told the camp counselors at orientation that “everyone leaves more whole on Sunday than when they arrived Saturday.” All around the circle, there were nods and smiles of agreement.

Stepping Stones of Hope’s camp was born in 1999. It offers a child and the remaining parent (or guardian) a place where each can heal from his or her loss, be it a spouse, a sibling, or parent. Campers spend 36 hours learning coping skills through games, masks, and music therapy while interacting with people who are experiencing what it is like to live without the one they love. Adults participate in the same activities their children do, just at different times.

Adults and children are separated when they arrive on a Saturday morning. For the most part, they won’t see each other again until the Sunday afternoon picnic with its amusing skits written and performed by the children. “It gives them future conversation starters,” says board president Diane Raden. Children mimic adult behavior, and adults need to know that for a child to see them cry can be a gift because it means that the child can cry, too.

No camp would be complete without music, and at Camp Paz, each volunteer must make up a singing rhyme to go with his or her name and sing it in greeting to arriving campers. “Music is how I express myself,” says certified music therapist Marty Finch. “It’s a different form of comfort, a different way to express grief.”

Color and art therapy also play a role in the healing process. During one activity, a counselor talked to the children about the emotions different colors make us feel and how sometimes those colors and emotions change after the loss of a loved one before they began to tie-dye T-shirts. Each child was asked to pick three colors to decorate a shirt. At first, the children could see how the colors might look all bunched up and crazy when dipped but then turn into a beautiful shirt when hung to dry. Young campers hammered together precut birdhouses. As the paint dried, several adults wondered aloud what the flames painted on one house and the deep, dark purple on another might represent. Art therapy with masks began as a teen event that has now spread to the adults. The papier-mâché masks represent each person’s unique characteristics, and the paint represents how each person feels at this stage of his or her grief.

Camp Paz staff and counselors go all out to build a safe space for campers to better understand their grief. Human beings yearn to know the why of things. During “Ask the Doc,” everyone is free to ask the questions they might have been afraid to ask before, even heavy ones about cancer, heart failure, why we resuscitate people who seem to have died, and how long it takes to die if you hang yourself. Intimate pain and abundant love are shared at the candlelit remembrance ceremony on Saturday evening before the campers head to a campfire in the woods with lighthearted songs, jokes, hot chocolate and s’mores.

Most counselors are long-term volunteers with Stepping Stones of Hope who began as campers themselves. This gives the camp a depth of empathy along with the training. “Adults who pick up children Sunday look like they have hope,” Andrea McClimon says. She attended the first-ever camp in 1999 after her mom died. McClimon became a counselor a few years later; now 24 years old, she now has her BA in social work.

Sunday’s main activities include the picnic and interacting with the special-needs animals at Whispering Hope Ranch and the picnic. Judging by the hugs, smiles, and tears, there is little question that lives have been positively impacted by the experience.

To learn more about educational Grief at Work or to sign up for a camp date offered by nonprofit, completely volunteer-driven Stepping Stones of Hope, call (602) 264-7520 or visit them on the Web at steppingstonesofhope.org.

Article and photos by Carol La Valley