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Ask the Dating Coach

July 2, 2008 6:34 pm 5 comments

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By Lea Friese-Haben

Hi Lea,

I just moved here from Michigan and am struggling to fit in. I was considered pretty stylish and attractive by Michigan standards but have apparently completely missed the mark by Scottsdale’s. I am an executive and wear tailored suits and updated corporate attire; but the women in my office are baring all, and leaving nothing to imagination. You cannot help but see cleavage spilling over, thongs protruding from low-waist pants and jeans, and more painted faces than the clowns of Ringling Brothers. The sad part is that I am not exaggerating! I am not comfortable around these women and even more uncomfortable with the men who ogle them. How on Earth is a small-town girl ever going to meet anyone here?

P.S. I never even heard of a dating coach until I moved here. Can you please explain to me exactly what you do?

Dear Small-Town,

Welcome to the Valley! Your story unfortunately is not unique. I know countless men who are sick of the plastic Barbie dolls and are actively looking for the classic girl next door. Stay true to yourself and to your values. Men may take these women out, bed them, and buy them drinks, but the men who marry them are certainly not the ones you want to spend your life with. Wear your Chanel suits to the office and a dress that makes you feel like a princess when you go out. Smile and get your flirt on! The men will come.

P.S. A dating coach simply assists clients in dating mechanics, image, and marketing! We are cheerleaders, sounding boards, and dating strategists!

Dear Coach Lea,

I am extremely frustrated with my dating activity. I have been dating for the last three years and have yet to meet a woman who even comes close to my ideal. I have noticed a recent surge in matchmaking television shows. I joined a well-known dating service two years ago and was horribly disappointed despite my costly investment. I have been pretty skeptical about matchmaking services, but with all the hype and current TV shows, I am left wondering if perhaps I am wrong!

Sincerely,

Frustrated Single

Dear Frustrated,

Your question is a valid one, as I have spoken with hundreds of singles and have yet to meet one who has had a positive experience with a dating service. I have researched the subject extensively and was shocked at what I had found. A number of these so-called matchmaking agencies have been sued or are in litigation.

I have found that matchmaking is typically strictly a moneymaking business. Matchmaking shows are meant for entertainment, ratings, and to advertise the matchmaker. A number of international matching businesses have been linked to domestic violence, immigration fraud and, sadly, human trafficking. The bottom line here is “buyer beware.” If you decide to go to a matchmaker, ask for a guarantee in writing, check the Better Business Bureau for complaints, and ask for referrals (then check those references!).

Remember, too, that these companies are in business and prey on people who are lonely. True love does exist, but it isn’t something you can buy. Professionals can help you with mechanics, image, technique, and marketing, but ultimately it is up to you to find your soul mate.

Send questions to Coach Lea at lea@northvalleymagazine.com, and you may get the coaching you need in the next issue.

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