Ask Dirk––Dating conundrums

Ask DirkNV Relationships June July '16

A guy’s perspective on matters of the heart and home.


I’ve read some of your stuff and my mom seems to like it. Anyway, I need some advice. I’m a recent college grad on the job market and I’ve obviously got tons of time on my hands. I’ve never been lucky with the ladies. In fact, I’ve never really been on a date. There’s a girl who works at the local Starbucks whom I’m very interested in, but I’m completely ashamed to ask her out due to the fact that I live with my parents, I don’t have an income, and my car is in such disrepair that the seat springs will probably get lucky before I do. Do you think she might have noticed I always order ice water and use the free Wi-Fi for hours on end?

-Millennial #4515321


Hello #4515321,

Tell your mom, “Thanks for reading,” She sounds great. I’m really starting to think Y2K would’ve been a good thing. Google it.

I dated a barista once, although dated isn’t really the right word. I bought her dinner and then put on the moves. She moved to Australia four days after that. I think she really liked me. Anyway, here’s a tip. Save up enough money for a coffee. What’s that, like $7.50 nowadays? If she writes your name on the cup correctly, then you might have a chance.

Now you have to ask her out. So, get your face out from behind your phone, look her directly in the eyes, and say these simple words: “Would you like to go out on a date?” You’re a step ahead of the game because she already knows your name. If she says “no,” ask for a job application.

In the earth-shattering event that she says “yes,” then you’re going to need a little cash. You can have some fun without too much money, but not if you don’t have a penny to your name. Of course, I could give you more advice on how to get the aforementioned cash, but my spiel starts with filling out job applications.

You didn’t ask me for date night ideas either, but I’m in the sharing mood. So, here it goes. Bookstores are a fun, non-committal, and more importantly (for you) cheap spot for a date. You can get a muffin or cookie and go through the aisles finding books you’ve both read or, more likely, discussing the demise of brick and mortar book stores. It will spark conversation, at the very least. Who knows, maybe you can scrounge up enough cash to buy her a book. Just make sure you buy it in the store because Amazon won’t offer you a place to take a real date. #bookstoresaregreat #savethebooks.

Keep reading and good luck.





20 Unusual Date Ideas

  • Fly kites
  • Test drive an expensive car
  • Do a breakfast date
  • Volunteer together
  • Go through your old yearbooks
  • Do a puzzle together
  • Play Frisbee
  • Bake a cake together
  • Visit a psychic
  • Climb a tree
  • Go to the animal shelter and pet the animals
  • Go on a midnight bike ride
  • Play ping pong
  • Tour open houses
  • Play hide and seek
  • Go to a high school play
  • Take a tour of the best happy hours
  • Spend the morning going to garage sales
  • Have a living-room campout
  • Take a free factory tour

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